Ashcroft Willing to Be Waterboarded

When asked at Cornell University whether he would be willing to undergo waterboarding, John Ashcroft said, "The things that I can survive, if it were necessary to do them to me, I would do." Wait a minute, buddy. Take a number. It's not that easy to get waterboarded. We don't willy-nilly waterboard every nutjob who wants it; this is a well-thought out, approved-at-the-highest-level procedure which we meticulously document before destroying the documentation. In the meantime, while we're waiting to jump through all the hoops of plausible deniability, the best we can do is secretly kidnap your Second Life avatar, rendition him extraordinarily through democracy-loving Second Life Romania, and send him to Second Life Gitmo http://www.mefeedia.com/entry/3470767/. Our only fear is that within five seconds of being waterboarded, you'll sing like a baby. Torture, indeed!