Please get well soon, and we mean it

Of course we are concerned for Senator Tim Johnson's health and hope for his and his family's sake that he recovers. I can't believe that God has such a twisted sense of humor that he would allow the illness of a senator from one of the smallest states to saddle us with the same fools and thieves who have plagued us the last six years. I don't suppose that there's any chance that the SD governor has enough integrity to follow the voters' will and appoint a Democrat - or even an independent? More importantly, has Johnson been tested for polonium poisoning, and what does Bill Frist's analysis of the video tell him about Johnson's prognosis?

Don't Let the Pitchfork Poke You in the Ass

An overdue tribute to the late lamented Augusto Pinochet Ugarte, lover, patriot, soldier, traitor, embezzler, murderer, and perpetrator of state-sponsored terrorism on US soil. (But he made the trains run on time.) He overthrew Salvador Allende on three-times-cursed September 11 (1857's Mountain Meadows Massacre, 1973's Pinochet, and 2001). Even Pinochet's supposed economic success was a lie, since the CIA spent millions of our tax dollars in the 1960s and early 1970s, first to keep Allende out of office and then to ruin the Chilean economy once he was elected. Check out "Pinochet: A Declassified Documentary Obit" at the indispensable National Security Archives at the link above.

What does a man have to do to completely forfeit his countrymen's support?

Check out Lil' Bush

In this episode (click the link above) Lil' Bush, after hearing the elementary school lunch room is serving falafel devises some unique methods to get the All-American Hot Dog, or "Hot Patriot Eagle Jesus Dogs," reinstated.

Which of These Things Belong Together?

In a simpler time, Keith Olbermann made smart-ass comments over clips of Kobe Bryant slamming the basketball home. Today he's dismantling self-important and dangerous blowhards with the same style and ease. If you haven't seen Olbermann on Gingrich, click on the link above immediately.

But it is to be fervently hoped that Newt actually runs for president for the same reasons I hope Dan Quayle runs: a. he will waste all the right people's money, and 2. he will inevitably say many things so egregious and horrifying that his name will last as a joke and a watchword.

Breaking News

In a surprise itinerary change, President Bush, traveling to a summit in Latvia, flew to Who-ville where he had a cordial, face-to-face meeting with The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. According to President Bush, he was able to peer into the Grinch's soul and came to the conclusion that The Grinch could never have stole the Who-pudding or ruined the Who-Feast, or poisoned the Who-Hash and roast beast, could never have hurt little Cindy-Lou Who, or make all the Whos down in Who-ville cry out with BOO-HOO.

In a related story, President Bush confirmed his full support of Elmer Fudd claiming he is perfectwy competent to kill the wabbit.